Dear [Straight] Men, This message is for you.

We have long been taught that women like masculine men.

We have been taught that women want ‘polarity’, that this is sexy and will turn them on.

This may be true, but there is a deeper truth available to you.

The reality is, changing your behavior for a woman will cause you to resent yourself.

Changing your behavior to be ‘sexy’ or to ‘satisfy her’ in any way is self-betrayal of the highest order.

I have recently written about ‘no polarity’ in a romantic relationship.

This isn’t to say that there should NOT be a polarity, but rather that you should NOT be focusing on it. Once we embody the perspective of the SOUL, polarity is absolutely irrelevant.

Trying to create polarity is trying to create distance from the Truth.

And at the same time, we will naturally be perceived as very masculine in all the necessary ways. That’s all they want, is to perceive us as masculine. Not to actually BE masculine.

These are incredibly different. It’s actually HER who wants to BE masculine, even though she may deeply deny it.

For a man, honoring his feelings (his femininity) is often what feels more true (even though he is addicted to denying having any needs), moving all the way into that is actually going to result in greater masculinity, as counter-intuitive as it may be.

Women will often tell you, be this way or be that way. And, they are right in wanting that. However, in telling you what they want they are unintentionally misleading you.

Only the grown-ass mature women is masculine enough to hold space for her man to feel who he really is. She is not attached to immediate gratification because she already knows she is safe.

This is why I will not date a hyper-feminine woman, because that is a daddy issue waiting to happen.

Becoming more feminine is how we as men become perceived as more masculine. As insane as it may seem.

The nature of trauma causes us to have a flimsy protective masculine coating over our highly feminine grief.

If we allow the grief to burn away, the false masculine burns away too and liberates that energy to become true and thousands of times more powerful.

Everything I know about women I learned from my cat. The rhythm, the desire, the boundaries.

A cat doesn’t have any interest in a desperate and needy person. They want to be left alone.

But when your energy clearly doesn’t need them, they will hunt you down to be cuddled and pet.

When your hand is right next to them, but not petting them, they can’t resist forcing their head under your still hand to feel the weight.

The embodied masculine is still – similar to the disembodied feminine (laziness).

The rabid and hungry feminine is activated and seeking, similar to the disembodied masculine (desperate).

Don’t be fooled by the teenage lies shared by ‘the way of the superior man’. This is wounded manipulation, too afraid to question the deeper motive of “Why do I actually want this?”

We are growing up as a species. Sex is no longer required to understand ourselves. There are ways to grow up without this incessant self-sabotage.

Sex is just another thing to do, when you’re living a life where everything is amazing.

Like us, well-intended women are trained to objectify. This is called behaviorism. It’s toxic. It’s unacceptable.

It’s time to truly see the feminine in her pain, without trying to save her. Trust her about how she feels, but not about what you should do.

Don’t ever try to prove to her what’s right or what’s wrong. You will never make her grow up. She must choose it.

Follow what’s right for you. Your feelings are never wrong. You can use your masculine energy to guide your feminine energy deeper and deeper.

And ultimately, she’ll thank you for staying the course. Even after she complained thoroughly. She needs to be seen in that process.

And she is teaching you. You are her student in this way. She is ultimately the master once you know how the game really operates.

This is what it means to truly come alive.

Thank you.


The Pitfalls of Anthropomorphizing Power

If I look at a pitcher throwing a baseball and seeing it hit by a batter…I could say the ball is the feminine and it is “submitting” to the thrust of the bat, which is masculine. Makes perfect sense and most readers will agree. However, some readers will also pick up on the fact that the bat is being driven by a person. So, now there is a spectrum of masculinity in this analysis. The bat is both giving and receiving. And in macro view, it’s doing neither (its molecules are basically stationary).

It can be easy to anthropomorphize the bat and the ball to imagine they desire to impact one another…simply because doing so offers results.

Continue reading



Just because you CAN eat more, and want to, doesn’t mean you should.

Just because you CAN get paid for that job, and want the money, doesn’t mean you should.

Just because you CAN have sex, and want to, doesn’t mean you should.

Every decision we make is an allotment of our sexual energy.

The animal within us is designed to make impulsive decisions based on the fight/flight/freeze/f*ck brain

In fact, it’s no mistake that the f*ck impulse often resembles and even sounds like a fight.

It’s no coincidence that people are addicted to masochistically receiving pain, or to sadistically inflicting it.

These impulses are created by trauma, which is a chronic engagement of the brain’s fear center.

From the standpoint of our bio-computer, there is no difference between a fear and a craving. Both represent our relationship with power as an external force.

In the work that I do, people expose to me their deepest vulnerabilities. Their most tender pains.

It is of the utmost importance that I ensure the deepest possible clarity of my sexual energy.

On the one hand, suppressing my animal instincts is harmful. They must be thoroughly acknowledged, understood, and felt.

On the other hand, these instincts must be adequately dealt with BEFORE those healing experiences so as to maintain rapport and safety for myself and each individual.

Self-control and emotional regulation means making a firm decision, creating firm boundaries with ourselves, in regard to our values. Our values are literally ‘who we are’. We can only trust ourselves and trust our values if we are aware of them.

I feel temptation often. Many women (not all) test my integrity, consciously or unconsciously, multiple times per day. I know all the tricks. The damsel in distress. The oral movements. The subtle invitations. One could say that the temptation I’m feeling is an empathic experience of the temptation they are feeling.

The part that makes this complex is when they believe they ‘want’ me, where in reality what they usually want at a deeper level is simply to be seen and felt.

The self-control on my part must click in and remind me regularly that it actually has nothing to do with me. Any desire I have to feel special and wanted is an animalistic response to the empathic experience we’re sharing.

One of the fundamental misunderstandings regarding sexuality is that we need a partner to experience it. There’s nothing non-sexual about us. Every step we take relies on sexuality. Our forward movement is our very being making sweet love to life.

Sexuality has been simultaneously grossly underestimated and overestimated at the same time. Underestimated, in that it exists in our whole lives and not just in the bedroom. Overestimated when the physical intimacy is taken for granted as some sort of cure-all, and not having its motivations more deeply questioned.

The seeking of pleasure is one of the most fundamental scarcity based addictions of humanity, because it depends on the avoidance of pain. No one who is in a state of play (our natural state) will ever insist on locating more pleasure.

When I experience a woman approaching me from the motivation of unconscious pain, it can still feel flattering. Her playfulness can appear completely genuine, even to herself, not realizing it’s a persona designed to manipulate my animal aspects.

It would be quite harmful for me to engage in the vast majority of impulses I feel. Those impulses are most often not in integrity with my soul. If my presence, for example, were significantly deeper than the presence of my partner…a sexual relationship without a commitment would cause a re-traumatization of the belonging wound which causes the sexual addiction in the first place. The ‘toxic masculine’ aspect of a man’s animal aspect has no problem using and discarding a woman as a disposable piece of meat. Obviously, this is not a sustainable practice for society.

The real opportunity is in the acknowledgement of a man’s own pain which fuels this objectified temptation to use and discard.

Practices like polyamory capitalize on the existence of this wounding, justifying it as normal human behavior simply because of a lack of trauma resolving tools. Nothing is ‘wrong’ with any sort of sexual perspective, there are simply varying levels of depth that each individual may or may not be ready to assimilate.

To me, the real question is: Does an individual want to meet a need, or to resolve it? Most people are deeply afraid of resolving needs. A need coming to completion is the ultimate freedom, and yet from the perspective of scarcity this concept can feel like a trap. The incredible irony in this confusion is unmistakable, when the emotional freedom appears to be a trap.

What if I’m not walking around craving sex anymore? Then what? Will anyone still want me? How can I be attractive if I’m not driven to procreate?

This freedom is the space in which our power can be fully honored and expressed. Our energy can be focused in totality, free of the need for approval. No longer do we obsess about how we are perceived.

It would be irresponsible to idealize or condemn anyone’s current state or status. We are where we are. So this brings about the practical question of, what do I do with this information? The key for all transcendence lies in paradox. Touching upon and holding multiple realities simultaneously.

I control and regulate my primal urges, except for the times I choose to fully let them loose and experience them to their core.

I operate with impeccable precision and thoughtfulness, except for the times when I choose to embody the wildness of my rabid beast.

I focus on my breathing as a sustainable means of distributing my sexual energy, except for the times in which I choose to focus on tearing a loved one’s clothes off.

Remember that attachment will more than likely result from your physical intimacy, but also no need to be obsessed about it.

Allow for the reality that sexual ‘needs’ are illusions based on trauma, and yet we can also create devotional spaces in which to give ourselves permission to explore those deepest desires.

It’s important too that we understand that we must psychologically individuate before we can spiritually awaken. The emotional function of sex is for the purpose of achieving individuation. This is why it remains relevant, even in light of all I’ve shared here. It’s not a story completing tool, but it is an individuation cultivation modality. This is exactly why teenagers start becoming curious about sex, because that’s our primary individuation stage of development. Sex cravings are sourced from the inner teenager aspect of the nervous system.

There are many tools for accomplishing true need resolution. It won’t be likely to occur through reading material.

One of the main points here is that Sex is NOT needed to heal sexual wounding. The Quantum Theater experience that I facilitate is one such tool and opportunity for going deeper in a safe way. Feel free to connect with me about scheduling an experience, or I can help find you another way that feels right for you.


Lust is both Heaven and Hell

Lust is both Heaven and Hell

It’s the name of a loop we get distracted into

Most people don’t realize that their lust is pre-programmed into them by their family’s unconscious values. Very specific family dynamics are wanting to play on repeat.

Because it’s the easiest way to channel our firey demon energy. Our inner BEAST. It’s got to go SOMEWHERE, afterall….

I know that temptation very well. And nothing is wrong with it….It’s simply very easy to become unconscious of. If you use it….USE IT to tear you apart. USE IT to rip the initial attraction from your system aka Resolve Your Needs (more on this soon). It’s medicine so you can heal…and if it does its job you don’t need that medicine anymore.

What if that power was reclaimed, to be saved for our True Intentions? So our Inner Angel could also be charged up and activated for the Truth of our holy mission?



Your Mission


If you’re unsure about your relationship or craving a new one, your mission is unclear

If you’re feeling annoyed at the world’s noise, your mission is unclear

If you’re depressed and wallowing or anxious and wobbling your mission is unclear

If you’re not willing to forgive someone, your mission is unclear

If you’re not willing to surrender to the Truth, your mission is unclear

If you’re not sure where you want to live, your mission is unclear

If you’re pretty happy and pretty content but it seems like something is still missing…

Any questions?



Seeing ourselves

Seeing ourselves is synonymous with self-realization.

And if we make our gifts and our shadows are known to the world, being seen by others helps us to see ourselves.

Don’t hold back your shining light for fear of codependency. Simply know your true motivations.

There’s no need to pretend you are completely altruistic in your actions. Wearing a mask doesn’t feel good.

Do it for you, own it.

Simply be aware that we are all using one another to evolve together and therefore to honor each other with greater presence.


Win/Win ?



Being ‘Evolved’ is NOT about:
How you spend your time
How you feel or vibrate
How awake you are
How much you’ve processed
Or who you know

It’s solely dependent on your ability and self-sufficiency to change…to EVOLVE. To be your own best parent[s] and lover.

The rest are all side effects.

Do you have the Masculine courage to behave outside of your old identity?

Do you have the feminine courage to surrender to deeply unfamiliar territory?

We must expand in BOTH directions or we WILL see the obvious consequences of avoidance.

We are attracted to drama

We are attracted to drama. Our nervous systems crave intensity and contrast. This is the unconscious inner conflict – the seeking of pain and self-sabotage which is so confusing to people. This is why we like stories with lots of drama, like discovering that I had ants crawling all over me. It makes things interesting and therefore to the nervous system (as long as it fits the safety of our identities).

So when we consciously own our darkness, the nervous system no longer needs to seek it out and find it unconsciously. And self-sabotage fades away.